The Slowie
Was there ever a social situation more stressful and ripe for humiliation and embarrassment than asking a girl to slow dance? Walking across that dancefloor to approach some young lady with the question often felt like climbing out of a trench in WWI and crossing No Man's Land to face the enemy guns and certain death.
The "slowie" was a fixture at every club and disco (or "meat market" if you'd prefer) I went to in my teens where the music was secondary to getting off with the opposite sex. They always played a few at the end of the evening so you knew it was coming and had time to scout around for potential candidates and maybe try to impress her in advance with your dancefloor moves to the faster songs. You'd need a few pints of Dutch Courage before you could work up the nerve (but not too many, you didn't want to fall all over the poor girl) and when the moment came you'd go up to her trying to act all nonchalant and pretend it was no skin off your nose if she did or not — one thing my more sexually-successful friends always told me was that girls hate a bloke who seems too keen. But of course I did care and if she turned me down I might ask someone else but more often than not I'd slink back to the bar for a lonely pint where I stood and enviously watched all the jammy bastards who'd managed to score.
But occasionally you got lucky and she'd say "yes" so you'd have the few minutes the record lasted (and maybe another one) to make the most of the opportunity. If things were going well and you were feeling brave (or just drunk) you'd let your hands slowly and gingerly make their way down her back until — if she raised no objection — they rested happily on her bottom. Most of the time it never went any further than that and when the record ended she'd say "thanks" and go back to her mates never to be seen again, but occasionally you'd get a phone number or even a snog out of it and go home with a satisfied smile on your face — even if you didn't get your hands on her bum. No matter how depressingly unsuccessful you usually were, it was that possibility which kept you coming back weekend after weekend, ready to go through the same painful ritual all over again.
If I had to pick one slow record that was the definitive soundtrack to the British high street disco experience and that end-of-the-evening feeling when air was thick with the scent of Paco Rabanne, sweat, lager, Silk Cut and hormones, it would be this one.
Download: True (12" version) - Spandau Ballet (mp3)
Just hearing that clipped guitar intro I can see myself standing at the bar in some long-closed, chrome-and-carpet disco pub, everyone around me is busy coupling up and hitting the dancefloor while I'm still trying to summon up the nerve to make a move on some lucky girl.
But if Spandau aren't your cup of tea these were always good for a smooch too. Lots of memories here, mostly frustrating ones.
Download: Move Closer - Phyllis Nelson (mp3)
Download: Always And Forever - Heatwave (mp3)
Download: Zoom - Fat Larry's Band (mp3)
17 Comments:
And if you're of the female persuasion, you just hoped that nice-looking, somewhat shy guy mustered up the courage to come over instead of the really horrible jerk that's been making a drunken ass of himself the whole evening. No worries now though, you have someone to slow dance with any time you want. :0*
Maybe it's indicative of my "advanced years" (almost 50) but Earth, Wind & Fire's "Reasons" was always the club closer. Once the opening notes hit, if you weren't dancing, it was time to head for home...
DM
Ah yes, I s'ppose you could call it ... rejection in the erection section.
I remember it well.
Some clever Trevor wrote that a rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.
Persuit of alcoholic oblivion more like!
Nice post old lad.
Dick
"Reasons" was a tiny bit before my time, the first "slowie" I really remember was Rose Royce's "Wishing On A Star"
True seems a little too fast for a real slowie. I too don't remember Reasons but neither was it True that was the closer (I had just left Uni when this was released) The trouble is I can't remember what the school disco closer was! It was obviously so traumatic that I've blocked it out of my mind!
It was always bloody 'Zoom' for me....earlier it might've been 'After The Love Has Gone'. Equally tragic - no dance, no bottom touching, certainly no snogs.
Then I got a bit older and I remember thinking in a sudden moment of clarity one Saturday at 12:50am (the Southern Comforts were obviously wearing off)- 'I am not going to meet the one (sic) in a place like this'.
And I was right. I didn't.
As for your Trouble's 'you have someone to slow dance with any time you want' - PHWOAAAR!!!
I never really experienced the last dance thing too much. I went to a boys school;when we hit sixth form we had discos where girls from the local girls schools came, and there were a couple of last dances there that I can recall. I think Move Closer was one of those. But when I started going out properly it was the beginnings of acid house.
No slow smooches going on there!
my dire attempts at club running and playing records always had a smooching session involved. hardly anyone ever danced mind but we tried. 'some of your loving' worked best if i remember right.
You've nailed it with this post. I was going to mention After The Love Has Gone but Davy beat me to it.
There was a routine at the club I frequented most on a Saturday night. Starting at 11.30 was ‘mad half hour’ which always started with that discofied Glenn Miller tune and end with Lulu’s Shout! which would lead straight into the slowies. The moment you heard “We-e-ell!” you’d be on the psyching yourself up ready to pounce as soon as Lulu finished her “Well I feel alri-i-ight!”
I remember reading a brilliant story how someone made her boyfriend drop what he was doing, get in his car and drive miles to be with her just by playing 'move closer' to him down the phone.
great post, brought back some awkward memories :)
Excellent post.
"Wishing On A Star"... exactly!
You are the bollocks!
Every Song !
Every Image !
An emotional memory we can all relate to.
Thanks for putting musics and images to a great life so far.
It makes me feel so old, but I'll admit that my first slow dance -- back in junior high school -- was to "Cherish" by the Association. It was terrifying and thrilling at the same time, of course.
Anybody remember "You're Such A Fabulous Dancer" by Wha Koo? Back in the day, I DJ'd a local disco here in Canada. I played the song as last song one night, and from then on, it was hailed as the last song every night. It's a "fast" slow dance, with an awkward tempo, but the crowd loved it. Then Bob Seger released "We've Got Tonight". I had to play that one every stinking night. I wanted to play Louisiana's Leroux "New Orleans Ladies" instead. I finally walked out of that club, and got into radio. Best move I ever made.
Zoom by Fat Larry's Band is a major early 80s SoulBoy classic. Cheers for that one.
The one and only time that my Life Partner and I slow-danced in a disco at the end of the night, it was to "Move Closer". When we looked round at the end, we realised we were the only ones left on the floor.
They used "True" in an end-of-term school disco scene in Grange Hill, you know. "This one's for all you lovers out there!", squealed the DJ, as the headmaster and Mrs. Whoeveritwas coughed with embarassment in each other's arms...
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